Human Condition
by kayfanatik
Summary: Clare's parents are tragically ripped away from her. Never knowing about her father's financial woes, she is left nothing. How far will Clare go in order to survive on her own? Lots of Clare and Imogen interaction to come
1. Chapter 1

Human Condition

a/n: Clare is an only child in this story, and she is going to be a senior at Degrassi. I had a decent idea for a this story, though I am currently still working on another one called Summer of Clare. Check that one out if you like.

Clare's POV

I awoke to rain pounding on steel, and it was coming through the non-existent windshield soaking me to the core. I wiped my face, which was already wet. The odor of oil and hot metal filled my nostrils harshly, as I slowly came to from my disorientation. I lifted my hands right in front of my eyes; they were red.

"Mom?" I choked. My tongue felt swollen inside my mouth, and a metallic taste filled it.

I glanced around my surroundings. My mother's jade Toyota Corrolla's was on its driver's side. I was hanging sideways, kept in place by my seatbelt, which was cutting deep in my shoulder. I was aware now of my situation.

My eyes frantically raked the car to see how I could escape the scrap metal mess, and they fell upon my mother. She was unnaturally still; her eyes were glassy and staring.

"Mom," I whispered, my heart beating a mile a minute.

I noticed that her neck was bent at an unusual angle.

"Mom..Mom, Mom, Mom, MOM!"

I ripped at the seatbelt that held me against my will. I needed to get to her; she needed my help to get out of the car. I finally freed myself and climbed out of the cracked windshield. I got down on the ground, as close as I could to my mom.

"Mom, please be okay," I cried. I grabbed her one free, limp hand.

I never even heard the sirens. I suddenly felt a gentle hand on my shoulder, and I was surrounded by medical staff. I couldn't hear their questions; I couldn't answer them. My breathing became more shallow, and I couldn't understand what was happening.

"She's in shock, we need to get her out of here," I heard from a distance. I couldn't leave her, I couldn't leave my mother's side.

"No, she needs me, I need to stay with her."

Strong hands lifted me away from my mom, and I reluctantly dropped her hand. It fell to the ground with a small thud.

"No need for medic over here, this one's gone," I barely heard. I didn't understand what they meant by gone.

The next thing I knew I was being strapped down and pushed into an ambulance.

"Patient is 18 year old female, laceration to the forehead, abdomen and right leg. Possible fractured right radius. Is conscious; BP 90/60. Other victim is 46 year old male, unconscious, possible neck fracture, hematoma to the abdomen, possible internal bleeding. TBI is possible; bleeding from the ears. BP is 80/60, hypotensive and critical."

My senses came back to me a little bit. Other victim?

"No, my Mother, she's the other victim; she needs help," I tried to sit up, but I immediately felt strong hands pushing me back down on the gurney.

I turned my head over to see the other patient. This guy must have been the other vehicle involved with the crash. I couldn't see his face, since it was covered by a bag valve mask. My eyes fell to his wrist. He was sporting a familiar watch. I strained my eyes to get a better look. The watch I had gotten my father for Christmas had similar markings on the face. My eyes darted back up to the man's face.

"DAD!" I screamed.

Panic flooded me as I recognized the unresponsive man on the gurney beside me.

"DAD! DAD!"

I was thrashing uncontrollably, trying to get to my father's side.

"Sedate her already!" I heard a medic yell.

My heart beat slowed down to a crawl as my world swirled into blackness.


	2. And it's come to this

A/N: Explicit material in this chapter. Review.

2 months later

I woke with a jolt. I had another awful nightmare about that night. I grabbed my clock and stared at the numbers on the face for a while. 2:20am. Great. Another restless night.

I switched the lamp on and gradually got to my feet. I was used to the nightmares, and I knew that going back to bed would be an effort in vain. I slipped on my black hoodie and a pair of jeans. I had to get my fix, and I had to get it fast. I grabbed my phone and slid it into the back pocket of my jeans. I pulled the hood up over my head, turned the light off and hopped out my open window.

I took the phone from my pocket when I reached the ground.

'Need to meet up ASAP' I messaged.

I waited for a reply, praying that she was still awake.

My phone buzzed after a minute. 'Meet me out by the swings.'

My feet carried me to the community park where we would do our business. The park was deserted at this time of hour, but it was also very dangerous. I kept an eye out for police. I slid onto the dewy seat of the swing. I wrapped my fingers around the cold, metal rings of the chain that kept it hanging. My head flew back as I started to take myself higher and higher. Where had my life gone?

"You really shouldn't be doing that," a voice called out to me.

My head snapped up. "Finally. Do you have it?" I hopped off the swing to greet Imogen.

Imogen threw me an offended glance. "Of course I have it, who do you think I am? She pulled out a list of numbers. A list of clients.

"So you are ready to make some money tonight, eh?" she said with a twinkle in her eye.

I breathed in the balmy night air. "Let's do it."

She flipped her phone out and dialed Shane. Shane was always eager to hear from us; he enjoyed our company- especially when we were teasing his cock. The money was always great from Shane; he paid us handsomely for our services. Most of our customers wanted only one girl; this guy would pay triple for the both of us.

"Hey Baby, want a hand tonight?" Imogen said to Shane, winking at me. I could tell by her facial expressions that he was available. She closed her phone and gave me a devious smile.

"I guess that was a yes?" I asked.

"I think that we'll be making an easy grand tonight." Imo predicted with a smile.

We waited for Shane's corvette to pick us up from the park. Yeah, corvettes only seat two people, but Imogen preferred to sit in Shane's lap. Well, more like Shane liked her to grind on his dick. Not the safest driving conditions, but for 1k, it was worth it.

Even though I was running around with Miss Whoreno, I had standards and rules. My mouth was the only hole a cock would enter. Gasp, I was still a virgin. Imo had no problem with random guys popping her pussy, but me; I wasn't into it. I provided lip and tongue service only.

We arrived at Shane's apartment. It was a high-end loft with great views of Toronto. I never questioned how Imogen always found high end customers, just like I never questioned why these customers wanted to risk being caught with underage girls. I wasn't even 18.

Shane, visibly turned on from the ride over, his erection unabashedly stretching its length against his denim jeans, pointed at Imogen. "You, over to the bed. Strip." He made his way over to me and put his hand against my cheek. "And you, my sweet, you stay here and watch." His lips came crashing down on mine in a brutal kiss. I winced from the force, but eventually lost myself in it.

Shane left me to join a naked Imogen. Her long flowing hair was covering her tiny breasts. Her underwear was still on for Shane's enjoyment. She knew the drill; she knew what he liked.

Shane hungrily drank her in with his eyes. The lust plastered on his face almost made me gag, but then I remembered why I was there. I needed the money. I needed the money.

Not wanting to watch them play with each other, I closed my eyes.

"Baby, why aren't you watching? Why don't you come here and suck my cock for a bit?" Shane drawled.

I internally shuddered, but stripped down to my underwear and let myself fall into his arms. I tried to shut out everything around me as my mouth lowered on his horrible little member. I forced myself to think of someone else; anybody else, to get through the job. I even thought of Eli.

"Fuck, yes, Baby. Jesus, you are so fucking good at this!" Shane moaned.

I felt him gently push me away. He always did this when he was too close. He never ejaculated in my mouth; he just wanted to get in the mood to fuck Imogen. My part was done. Relieved, I sat next to the bed in the easy chair and pretended to watch. Instead, I was thinking about my life.

This was my new life. I ran around with Imogen Moreno and pick up strange men to suck and fuck for money. I couldn't complain; the money was spectacular, and the cash was flowing.

Shocked? I guess I would be too. My life, my speck of a life before this hell, was pampered and sheltered. My ass was wiped with golden toilet paper compared to my current life. My parents kept me in close quarters, never letting me out of their sight. I was a devout Christian; I always believed my faith was stronger than anything. Well, I was fucking wrong.

My father and mother had divorced when I was 15. It took my mother another marriage and 3 years to realize she was still in love with my father. I had always dreamed that they would end up back together, but never had I ever imagined that they'd end up together in death. My mother tracked my father down to where he was living. They had lost touch since my mother's marriage to Glen; they no longer shared the apartment, as it was too tricky with three extra people in the mix. My dad moved somewhere in Ottowa for a job transfer, and he never left an address where we could reach him. Glen and Jake were forced out on their own- I barely saw Jake at Degrassi. Our relationship crumbled like cracked clay after my attempt at seducing him one night. He claimed that our relationship was indecent. Indecent. That motherfucker convinced ME to stay with him, and he had the nerve to call me out while I was foolishly trying to bone him? Whatever.

Three years later and Mother finally goes after my father. Ironically, I guess my father had the sudden urge to come back to Toronto, because he was in town. How do I know? My father, my idiotic, drunk father rammed his truck into my mother's Corrolla. My mother was killed instantly- in front of me; my dad died three days after. It was my decision to take him off life support. Lucky fucking me.

This isn't even the end. My parents were dead, I was going crazy because I just killed my father, and then, this lawyer suddenly appeared in my life telling me that my father was a broke crook and I was fucked.

I _am _fucked.


	3. An old face

Imogen counted the money out evenly and handed me my share. She was generous in splitting the cash fifty-fifty, even though she did most of the work.

"Not bad for a couple of hours worth of being a fuck toy, eh?" she winked at me. I returned the smile with a bit of a pit in my stomach. I wasn't addicted to the thrill of being with a strange man like she was. I got my kicks out of the money, and how easy it was to get it.

I'm not saying that this was a quick transition into being a prostitute. Glen, after my parents' funerals, offered his home to me; after all, I was his stepdaughter. I readily refused, not wanting to be a product of charity. My determination to be independent trumped all the hardships I was going to face. I knew that my life was going to be drastically different, and I had to do whatever it took to succeed on my own.

I plucked the cash out of Imogen's outstretched hand. "Thanks, Imogen. Shane wants us again tomorrow night?"

Imogen's eyebrows rose. "Over eager, are we? Relax, we'll see him again, soon. You know how I don't like the same job back to back. Gets boring. I have a new client in mind, maybe you'll be up for the challenge?"

I sighed. I needed to pay off another month's worth of rent. I thought my dad had paid off the town house, but because he owed so much back to the bank, it was now put up for rent. Luckily for me, no one decided to question how I was making rent for a large apartment. Also lucky for me, Glen had been sending me pity checks, which I burned. It looked like to a third-party that he was paying for all my expenses.

I trudged back to my house; it was close to school time. Skipping the first day of school was floating in the back of my mind, but I decided to throw on my uniform. It was about an hour before school started, so I decided to walk there instead of bike.

My relationships changed over the past couple of months. Alli and I had stopped speaking ever since I found her kissing Jake at the cabin. I guess I was so tired of friends getting with my boyfriends, I just decided to write her off completely. She tried to reconcile with me, but I just couldn't let my guard down. There are times where I miss her company and support. She did attend my parents' funeral, but I made sure to avoid her when she tried to express her condolences.

Adam still talked to me here and there. He was so swept up with Fiona, he never seemed to have time for me. His efforts to hang out with me were non-existent. He had a feeling I was changing, but he never confronted me about what I was doing. I kept my new lifestyle a secret for obvious reasons, but for some reason, he could tell what I was up to. I guess it disgusted him to the point where he refused to be friends with me. I'm sure he still kept in touch with Eli.

I passed Eli's house during my walk to Degrassi. I paused in front of his home to stare at the house where I knew so many good times. My heart sank to my feet thinking about him. Eli had gotten accepted to NYU for creative writing and left for his freshman year early. I remember the day he told me he had gotten accepted.

"_Clare, I promise we can make it work. I will drive back to Toronto every month; I'll be home for the holidays. I'll even convince your parents to let you stay with me for a weekend. Many people can handle long distance relationships, why are we so different?" he said, his jade eyes pleading with mine. _

_I was skeptical and reluctant. I had my whole future ahead of me, and he had his. I didn't want a long distance relationship on top of my senior year. My reaction was selfish and juvenile. _

"_Eli, I know I can't do long distance. What about when I get accepted to a college? Even if we stayed together for my senior year, I'm off to university next year. I just think it wouldn't work out." _

_Eli backed away from me, hurt etched on his face. "Clare, are you saying what I think you are saying?" _

_I paused to think about what I was about to do. I never wanted to say the words, but they just slipped out. "Eli, we should break it off before it gets to the point where it's unbearable for you to lose me." _

_He cringed. "It's already to that point." He stepped slowly away from me and power-walked down the hall to his next class. _

He never called. He didn't text. I figured that it was truly over, and I regretted every single minute I was without him by my side. I didn't attend his prom, or his graduation. He left early for New York; a day before my parents' deaths. I guess he heard from Adam, because I received a call from him a day before the funeral.

I remember picking up my phone and freezing at what I saw that came up on the screen of the phone. I wanted to throw my phone out the window, but I picked up.

"_Eli."_

_He said nothing at first. I could just hear him breathing on the other side. I wanted him with me; holding me; comforting me. I needed him to be my friend, but I was also angry._

"_Eli, say something," I demanded. _

"_Clare…I can't begin to express how deeply sorry I am to hear about your parents." _

_Tears formed in my eyes, and they dripped freely onto my face. I didn't reply to his condolences. _

"_Clare, I miss you, and I want to see you. I want to be there for you," he began. _

"_You stopped talking to me. You left without a word, and now that my life is in shambles, you want to be there for me?" I could feel my anger and resentment taking over my actions. I was speaking without thinking about the consequences, as usual. _

"_Clare, I'm sorry that things were bad between us the last couple of months, but hearing about your parents; it really put things in perspective for me. I still love you, Clare, and I would do anything for you," he replied softly. _

_I stubbornly shook my head at his words. _

"_I don't need your pity, Goldsworthy, and I certainly don't need your apologies. I have been just fine these couple of months without you. Thank you for your condolences. Please, don't call me again."_

_I hung up. The pain and horror of what I had just done came in waves. I could feel myself breaking. Screaming, I forcefully threw my phone at the wall, and I watched it shatter into a million pieces. _

I sighed heavily as I continued my walk to school. I felt an odd prickling sensation, like something was about to happen. I saw Adam and Fiona talking to someone I didn't know. His back was turned to me, and he wasn't wearing a uniform, so he couldn't have been a Degrassi student. It was odd, but I pushed passed them; deliberately walking right through their conversation. I bumped into the boy, and I paid no attention.

"Geez, Clare!" Adam called after me.

I rolled my eyes. I felt someone grab my arm.

"Get off me!" I instinctively threw the person's hand from me. Furious, I spun to see who had dared lay a finger on me. My eyes widened as I recognized the perpetrator.

"Edwards," Eli carefully smirked.


	4. Deeper

"Clare, Clare, wait up!"

I was full on sprinting from the school where I had just seen Eli for the first time in months. I didn't know why I was running with tears streaming down my face. I ignored his pleas for me to slow down and sprinted around a corner down an alley between the Dot and another building.

I leaned against the cold brick wall and slid down to a squatting position. My tears wouldn't stop; I put my head in my hands and cried freely. It didn't take long for Eli to catch up and find me.

"What the hell, Clare?" He kneeled down beside me and tried to put his arm around me.

"Get off of me!" I screamed.

He held out his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay."

I didn't want him to touch me; my dirtiness, my filth. I did not want to taint him with my vileness. I could barely stand for him to be next to me. "Just go, Eli," I said softly.

I waited for him to give up and leave, but instead he took a seat next to me and waited until I calmed down enough to converse with him. I didn't want to talk to him.

"So, guess I should ask you why you are so upset?"

My head rose to look him in the face for the first time since the school. He was perfect, as usual. His green eyes pierced mine in an intense way. He gave me a small smile, but it was quickly replaced by a look of concern. His soft expression made my heart melt, and I swore I wouldn't let him make me feel like that again.

"I'm not upset, Eli. Just leave me alone. Please."

He snorted with indignation. "I'm not upset, Eli; just leave me alone," he mocked. "We may not be the best of friends anymore, Clare, but any idiot can tell that you are indeed upset." He got really quiet. "Is it…is it because I'm back?"

I didn't say anything for a moment. Was it because he was back? No. I guess I was angry at myself. He was back, yes, but it was that I wouldn't be able to hide my secret life from him. I couldn't let him find out about me, or else I would just die.

"Yes, Eli. Now go away. I don't want to see you anymore." I sobbed, trying to make him leave me alone before he pressed on with more questions.

Defeated, he stood up in a huff. "Well, that's too bad, Edwards. I'm here to stay. You are going to see a whole hell of a lot of me, whether you like it or not."

I looked up at him upon hearing this news. "What happened to NYU?"

His skin paled, and he acted like he wasn't going to give me the satisfaction of knowing. But what he said made me regret ever asking. "CeCe has cancer. I'm home to help take care of her, and my education is on an indefinite hiatus."

My stomach twisted in knots. I couldn't handle this news. The retching began, and I leaned over to soil the ground where Eli had sat. Cece had cancer, and Eli was back in my life whether I wanted him to be or not. I was a common whore trying not to be thrown out on the streets. What else could happen?

I felt Eli's strong, comforting hands rub my back gently as I emptied the last contents of my stomach.

"I'm sorry," I muttered stupidly.

"About what, my mother, my non-existent education, or you puking?" he gave me a wink.

His mother had cancer, and he was making jokes? "I guess all of it. I'm sorry for your mother and for you." I wiped my mouth on the sleeve of my jacket. I was disgusting. Eli reached into his pocket and pulled out a tissue. I grabbed it without another breath and blew my nose into it.

"Thanks." I carefully rose to my feet, careful not to trudge in my vomit. I pocketed the dirty tissue in my jeans and started to walk away.

"So I tell you about my sad life, give you a tissue because _you're_ crying, and now you are going to just walk away?" I heard Eli call after me, annoyance ringing in his voice.

I raised my hand to signal that that was exactly what I was doing. I didn't need his depressing life weighing down on my own pathetic one. I heard him sigh behind me and I rounded the corner to deal with my feelings. I reached in my book bag and grabbed a cigarette that I bummed off of Imogen. Scouring my bag again, I felt the pink Bic lighter and brought the flame to the tobacco stick. I inhaled its smoke and held it in for as long as I could.

CeCe has cancer. Fuck. All the decent people in this world get a plateful of shit to deal with. I took another greedy drag of the cancer stick and flicked the end to ash. I walked in between building allies not making myself visible to cars in case any adult see me go towards home. Degrassi has a policy if someone sees a student outside during school hours to contact the school. Stupid fucking rule.

I flicked my lit cigarette onto the ground near a dumpster and pounded it out with the heel of my foot. I decided to change my course of direction and made my way towards Imogen's house. Imogen had graduated the year before me, but she never went off to college. Something about not being able to afford it; and it's not like she was smart enough to get a scholarship to university. She was good for one thing: Trouble.

She still lived with her mother, but it was like she was the sole resident because her mom was always off for another score of whatever was the drug of the day. Imogen never knew her dad, and her mom never cared. I felt bad for Imo at times, but then I reminded myself she was managing on her own as much as she could. Even if she was degrading herself; she was independent. She didn't need anything or anyone.

I hesitated to knock on her door when I arrived at her house. If her mother was home, it would be awkward, if she wasn't, we could get some serious work done. I knocked twice. I waited. I waited some more, and after two minutes of standing at the front door feeling stupid, I turned to leave.

The door swung open as I hit the bottom stair of her front stoop.

"Hey Bitch, skipping school again?" Imogen's voice called out.

I smirked. "I can't seem to compel myself to finish a day."

Imo rolled her eyes and gestured me inside.

As dire and unfortunate Imogen's situation was, her house was immaculate. Everything was orderly around the attractively decorated living room. She didn't have anything fancy, but her knack for matching made up for the lack of decorations. We trudged up the stairs to her equally as orderly room to talk business.

We both took a seat on her springy mattress for a bed.

"So let me tell you about the new client that I got a phone call from early today. He got wind of us through Shane. Apparently he's an American whose daddy owns an oil distributing company. He could be the jackpot client, Clare. It's up to you whether you want to join me, because I know for a fact that I'm taking this one under my wing."

Like I said, I never questioned Imogen's clientele. This guy sounded like a goldmine.

"Yeah, sounds good. Anymore information we should know about him?" I asked, just to appear cautious.

Imogen shook her head. "Nope. But he wants his first experience with us tonight. He's throwing me 1500 for me only, but for both of us? Wait till you hear this."

She paused to accentuate the drama of it.

"Well?" I demanded after too pregnant of a pause.

"He's offered 5 thousand dollars for us to split. Can you believe that?"

My heartbeat quickened as I salivated at the amount of money.

"Whoa! Why?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Money is money. I don't ever question the motives of why a customer wants to pay as much as he does. Don't get into the habit of questioning it, either. Makes them think about it. We don't want clients who are thinkers, ya know?"

After leaving Imogen's house, I decided to go back into town because school was about over. I wondered if Eli went home or went back to visit some more people at Degrassi. I didn't mention it to Imo that Eli was back in town for God knows how long. I didn't want to stir up weirdness between Imogen and me.

Imo had always wanted Eli, but Eli and I were as tight as virgins. Then, when Eli and I broke up, Imogen had naturally gravitated towards me for unknown reasons. I always thought she was playing me, but after my parents were killed, she became my backbone. I wouldn't necessarily call Imogen my friend, but she was the closest thing I had to one at the time.

I entered The Dot and slammed a five dollar bill down on the counter.

"Hey Peter, I need a mocha please."

Peter gave me a look of concern, but took my money silently and started making my drink. He knew better than to ask me how I was doing. I suppose he had his suspicions about my lifestyle like Adam, but he never confronted me about it. He finished frothing my milk, and I watched him as he added the delicious layer of whipped cream. Looking over at me again, he put two chocolate sticks on top of the cream instead of the advertised one.

"Here you go, Edwards." He said as he handed me my beverage.

I smiled weakly at him and mouthed a thank you before sipping the hot drink cautiously. The chocolate and espresso flavor filled my cold mouth with brief happiness. Finally I felt like I could relax for one minute. But I was wrong.

"Well, well, it's the Virgin Mary!"

My heart stopped as I immediately recognized the voice. I wanted to sink into the ground and disappear. People had stopped their conversations to look over at whom had made the horrible comment.

I slowly turned around in my chair. Shane was smiling at me with his greasy hair and his insidious smile. He took a seat right beside me at the countertop. I glanced over at Peter, who was glaring at Shane. Shane noticed this right away and ordered a complicated beverage to make Peter busy.

Shane leaned over and whispered in my ear, "So pretty lady, you up for some grown up fun tonight? Maybe I can actually pop your cherry, you know it will be good for you."

I shook him off of me in a huff. "Look Shane, I don't talk to my business in public, you got me?" I retorted sternly. I must admit, I was a bit intimidated, not only by him, but also by the public place we were in discussing such business.

Feigning offense, he put his hand to his chest and widened his eyes. "Now, now, Honey. No need to get bitchy. I bet you will be a real frisky one once someone fucks the shit out of you. I'm hoping it'll be me."

I shuddered. "Please, Shane. Not here. Not now. If you keep talking to me like this, I'll tell Imogen that you are no longer in need of our services."

Peter had finished Shane's drink and returned to watch us from a distance. I had always had good feelings about Peter. He had dated my cousin at one point, but I always had a bit of a kid crush on him. He was almost comparable to a big brother. Almost.

I cried out as Shane grabbed my arm and dug his nails in. "Listen, you little Cunt, I am your clientele who gives you the big ones. You will do what I want, when I want it. You don't tell me how it is, I tell you! Got me?" he snarled dangerously.

All of a sudden, hands were on his shoulders throwing him back off of me. A fist came down onto Shane's face, and my heart dropped at my rescuer.

A completely red-faced and furious Eli was pounding Shane's face punch after punch. There wasn't an eye in the restaurant that wasn't completely mesmerized by this scene. Peter had jumped over the counter to pull Eli off of a bloody Shane.

Peter had to grasp Eli behind the chest as Shane slowly brought his hand to his mangled nose. He got to his feet and bitterly tongued his bloody lip.

"If you ever come even close to Clare, I will kill you!" Eli shouted, still struggling to pull away from Peter.

Shane looked at me, a complete mess, and snorted. "Like I would ever want to be within a hundred feet of that little cock tease. You'd have to rape that bitch to get any!"

"The cops are on their way," a bystander called out. Thank god, because I thought Eli was going to seriously kill him. Shane glanced over at me and spit in my direction. Giving Eli a malicious smirk, he turned around and left the café.


End file.
